The Hideaway
by Taintedvile
Summary: Sometimes when you least expect it, perfection is waiting right around the corner. I don't own the Twilight characters, twisting and distorting them is however a personal pleasure.
1. Chapter 1 Secrets

**The Hideaway…**

Since I'm slacking on releasing the next chapter of Boy next door; I figured I owed the readers something. I don't know if this will ever become a full story, but perhaps you'll find it amusing.

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**~Chapter 1 - Secrets**

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The world was on fire

No one could save me but you.

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't want to fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

No, I don't want to fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

With you

With you

What a wicked game you play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you

And I don't wanna fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

And I don't want to fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

World was on fire

No one could save me but you

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you

I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No I don't wanna fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

No I don't wanna fall in love

(This love is only gonna break your heart)

With you

With you

Nobody loves no one

(Chris Isaak - Wicked Games)

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**{EDWARD-POV}**

There's no shortage of girls willing to bob at the end of my dick. Just… After awhile it becomes more of a scientific experiment. My seed, just another layer in a different cum bucket.

I usually picked them up at this seedy little bar in the back woods. They called it; The Hideaway… but the place was always fucking packed and rip-roaring until dawn. It had this old western saloon theme going on, complete with hourly room rentals upstairs.

To rent a room, you need only to order a Cherry Pussycat at the bar. It'll cost you thirty bucks. If you're looking for a waitress to serve it, be sure to get the Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat… she'll need a seventy dollar tip at the door.

Being a regular local, I'd dipped my cock into one orifice or another of every wait staff they had on schedule and I didn't have to buy a fruity drink to order what I wanted. I was with the band…

I tried to stay out of their pants. I wasn't naïve enough to believe I was venturing on a journey to where no man had gone before. Hell, you had to be lucky to be the first of what was always a long night. The Hideaway closed at five, just before first light.

Then you have my girlfriend Bella; who is hands down the sexiest woman in the whole mother-fucking town. She's confident, driven, passionate, devious, deceitful, whore purrs like a cat every time she nuzzles my shaft.

I love her. I hate her. Sometimes I love her so much I hate her. I'm a crack-whore when it comes to her two minute blowjobs… and she does this indescribable thing with her tongue before she swallows...

Bella doesn't tease… She worships and adores my cock, usually on her knees in a lace thong and a pair of stiletto heels… If I had to pick two minutes of my life I could relive over and over again on instant replay, those would be it. She makes me feel like I'm the only one she's ever had eyes for. And she swears on her mothers grave that I have the prettiest cock she's ever seen. When I'm with her, the world revolves around me. What I want, what I need…

I actually met Bella by chance. I'd been eavesdropping when she turned in a job application at The Hideaway and I drunkenly admitted I wanted to be the first customer she served a Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat to. She was stunning in an elegant way and her smile told me she wasn't a local; especially when Rosalie told her: _Yup darlin' you're going to have to wrestle the snakes if you're going to be a Lilly Rose… _When she finally understood what it meant to be on the wait staff of The Hideaway, she promptly threw a drink in my face before taking her application and storming out.

I didn't expect that we'd ever cross paths again, but I admired the fire in her eyes. I knew when she walked out of that bar, she was going places; somewhere better. She had too much pride and respect to ever demoralize herself in such a way. She was a good egg, the type of girl that didn't roll into these parts too often… So you can imagine my surprise when she saddled up at the bar beside me, some days later.

She came to me with a business agreement. This time I was more sober, but it was still very hard to comprehend. It's not everyday that a young woman approaches you with a story about needing the money but not so desperately enough to work four shifts a week at The Hideaway. A _Lilly Rose _by the name of Tanya catches her soliciting in passing and she's asked to leave before the authorities are called. Which was a laugh in itself. However, when she complied; I was intrigued enough to follow her out.

I know what you're thinking… Why? Why would I even waste a moment to consider paying for sex? Why pay for something I could get for free? I asked myself that several times. There was something so completely mesmerizing about her that kept me intrigued to the point where if I closed my eyes I could still see the ember sparks flaring in her rich brown eyes. She was the first female to really haunt me in a regrettable sense since our departure…

Which compelled me to dial her number two days later, if only to get her out of my head. She sung to me like a siren, in the wee hours of the morning.

Our relationship started with a complimentary tantalizing two minute blowjob; in which I promptly hired her. She got into my head just as often as she did my pants. If a guy could create the perfect woman, trust me - she was it.

I didn't get to see her too often between my two full-time jobs with part-time pay. I couldn't really afford her either, but at the same time - she was priceless. Truly an exquisite masterpiece, with dimples and curves in all of the right places. She has the perkiest little taut rose nipples and a really sweet ass that fits perfectly in the palms of my hands. She was sculpted just for me… At least that's what I'd convinced myself.

At first I was paying her a hundred dollars a week, breaking it down into an hourly wage. She was more than fair to me and I rationalized that it was cheaper than courting a date. The amazing two minute blowjobs, mind blowing sex, lack of drama, and the sheer thrill of it all kept us connected. I called to order and Bella delivered.

In time I found myself working harder; and unfortunately seeing her less so I could give her more. I can't pin point exactly when I started feeling this way because on some level I think it was there from our first encounter. A lingering fear of never again. That knowing sinking feeling that while Bella gave immense pleasure, she could also take it away on a whim.

I have the cash, but she's in complete control of her finances. I realize this arrangement could end quickly if she chose to quit; not that I'd ever fire her.

As time wears on we grow more comfortable together, as most typical couples would or do. Bella started hanging around my apartment more often, even knowing I wouldn't always be there.

The fact she loves my cock and is vocal about it… Well, it's kind of hard not to fall in love with a girl who loves your cock that much. She lifts me up so fucking high and strokes my ego beyond compare. There is so much depth to her; she isn't just a hollow whore.

I fell in love with her, piece by sinful intoxicating piece. And I know what we share isn't quite right on the moral compass or what anyone would call typical by any far stretch of the imagination, but it's working for now.

My problem is communication. Sexually, we're very competitive yet blissfully compatible. We've re-written several languages with lips, tongue, and limb… I'm completely addicted, and probably misreading her body language…

While she remains a great deal of a mystery to me… I've memorized her every sigh, moan, and purr; to each varying degree of taste and touch. She bares her body and soul, but keeps most of her thoughts to herself.

I suspect my _girlfriends boyfriend _plays a major role in her unwillingness to share, not that I'd particularly want to know too many details about their sordid affair. I don't think there's anything she could ever say to justify being with a loser that would gamble and bet her off anyway.

On so many levels I've won and achieved greatness through their failing relationship. That fact, she doesn't have to tell me… I can see it in her eyes.

You don't know how alive it makes me feel to know that I steal the most beautiful pieces of her, from him. I may be boyfriend number two, but since I've got the wallet that gives me priority - for now. Somehow that satisfies him…

She could convince a wealthier man to buy her diamonds after a brief two minute encounter. She could have had her pick of assholes that night or any other, yet she picks me.

There you have it, I'm Edward Asshole Masen and I'm addicted to _her_ sex…. It leaves me torn… In constant limbo between wanting to strangle her, fuck the hell out of her, and buy her the diamonds she's owed.

I realize if I kill her in a jealous rage, I most definitely couldn't fuck her anymore. And I can kiss those two minute blowjobs goodbye for certain… I'm not into necrophilia, so I've made some progress on that front…

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"_Buddy… This is AA, not SA!_" a husky voice called out with a deep grunting laugh.

"Well then; I'll have a _Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat_…" If anything, week after week - I was amusing. Sharing the most intimate details of my experiences with Bella; the only proof I had that we existed as an item. To a room full of mostly complete strangers…

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This was how all of my AA meetings went. Bella was a big factor in what drove me to drink on an almost daily basis. The thought of her with him; and why?

We each provided various forms of stability for her; regardless of how many times she'd deny it. I never asked too many questions and she always gave very vague answers.

She won't ever say his name, but I _know_ who he is…

AA was free and it was the only outlet I had where others couldn't shame me. We were all ashamed to be there, even the praise for taking the first step couldn't ever re-write history.

My band mates think it's amusing that I'm getting the best sex ever from some other guys girl. Thus I've made sure that they've never really had time to get too acquainted with Bella.

Juggling all the webs of deceit, paying for something I never thought I'd come to _need_. I was no longer waiting for the girl I could live with; but the one I couldn't live without…

My paintings have become more distorted and violent... Those pieces sold at some of my highest auction prices. The extra attention I received for my art; pushed some media focus toward my band.

A moment I'd spent countless hours creatively bleeding myself dry for and it flew by completely wasted, with very little recognition from Bella.

I thought once I could prove I was capable of more stability for Bella, I'd look like the better option. If the money was there… But still she spent most of her nights in his bed. It wasn't hard for me to be faithful to Bella, knowing there was no comparable substitute out there…

I've wanted to slap her, yet as many times as the thought crossed my mind - I never did. Not with my hands, anyway…

_I'll never understand what she sees in that guy. _

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**{BELLA-POV}**

I moved across country with my best friend; my long term boyfriend of several years under the assumption he had a new job. It wasn't anything new; Jake was always out of work. It was what kept holding us back from getting married or ever considering having a family together. It's never his fault, he's always under-valued for his efforts. He feeds me that same line so often, I'm beyond exhausted of eating leftovers.

By year six, I'd come to the conclusion that Jake was just lazy and the blind-love I'd held for him was never going to be enough to pay the bills. The only way this was ever going to work, was if I made it work. Except nobody was hiring in the Podunk town he dragged me to…

We've been staying in a shack out in the middle of nowhere that belongs to Jake's uncle, our gas tank has been riding on the edge of empty since we arrived, I have thirty two minutes left on my pre-paid cell… I don't know where my next meal is coming from; but somehow Jake doesn't seem too concerned. He's a dreamer and I'm a realist. Which sums up the majority of our arguments that have been building up over the past few years. The things I once loved about him are now the traits I resent in him.

Still, he's all that I have. I don't have any family left, he's created a wedge... We fight about everything leading up to how we ended up here, to all the things we can't do about it now. I'd foolishly set myself up to be completely and utterly dependant on someone who couldn't take care of himself, let alone anyone else. I always trusted because I wanted to believe he would try harder _next time_.

Four days with nothing to eat and Jake's growing angry; at himself, our situation… Except he takes it out on me. This wouldn't be the first time he's gotten angry nor tried to rough me up. For my own good, he says... Even his violent storms have become predictable. I can pin-point exactly when he's going to hit me. I know if it's going to be an open hand or a clenched fist. Still, I let him… If only not to cause further conflict and just to get it over with. He's always miserably sweet after when I want nothing more than for him to leave me the hell alone. But I can tell you; I will never take the simple pleasure of eating for granted ever again.

We make up or as well as one might expect given the circumstances. We're both still upset, but we try to put that focus into what needs to be done. Someone needed a job last week. We apply for work and foolishly laugh when we get home, because while we may find a job… We're not sure if there's enough fuel to start the car again.

I get a call for an interview from a run down dive where the waitresses have to dress like saloon girls in cheap lingerie. But at this point I'm so desperate, it's sounding like the job opportunity of a life time.

We coast in on fumes… Jake waits back and pan handles in the parking lot while I go in for my interview. He isn't really happy about any of it, but it's work. I know that when I go in there, it's all about sizing me up for my uniform. I'm fairly average so I pray my chances are decent.

I get hired and I'm ecstatic. This cute guy at the bar plans to order my first Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat and it feels good to see support from potential customers. Until I awkwardly realize a Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat isn't really on the drink menu. I mean, it is… But the patrons don't order them for the drink, it's what's included with the drink. Immediately I decide to resign and the patron isn't looking so cute anymore, especially after I throw a drink in his face.

Jake is pissed about wasting time and resources, but he's my biggest supporter when he hears what I did to that guy back there. After sleeping on it, Jake comes to me with a proposal… Temporary, that was the first word out of his mouth. He honestly expected me to go back there, because this - what we were doing... It wasn't working.

I don't know what led me into that bar. Not only was it something I didn't want to do… Now I'd have to go back in there and make amends, grovel for a job I wasn't sure I could stomach. I was pissed that Jake was making me do it. We'd already spent forty minutes arguing in the parking lot before I was pissed enough at him to want an escape and go inside.

I knew I had to do something for money and looking at my options… It was strange; but suddenly the guy from a few nights ago is screaming of opportunity. Blowing one man versus the possibility of hundreds, he was definitely the better option. I sized him up at the bar, he was smiling and chatting up a waitress. He was exceptionally good looking, which was the only benefit to the all time low I'd sunk to. He could have been worse…

At first he didn't seem interested or maybe he just didn't understand what I'd proposed. I thought he wanted a Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat and I hoped to make more than twenty bucks. He didn't look wealthy by any means, but at that point he was the choice I could live with. I was extremely embarrassed about the whole ordeal and surprised that he cared to follow me out after I'd been asked to leave.

So I give him a Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat… And we make arrangements. As degrading as those few minutes are; he finishes quickly and sings songs of praise. It didn't make me feel less dirty about the act, but there was something empowering about it. To know that someone else wanted me besides Jake; especially after he had me convinced nobody ever would…

Jake is uncomfortable with my working arrangement, but he doesn't argue about the money coming in. Edward pays me a hundred dollars a week, which is admittedly more than he can currently afford. It's enough to pay the electric and keep Jake and I fed.

It was awkward at first, but less awkward than I'd anticipated if that makes any sense. At this point I'm not quite sure what Edward expects of me. Do I give him what he wants and go home? I remind myself that it's just business and I wouldn't be there if I didn't love Jake. It made it easier going in with the logic that I was doing it for him, for us.

Edward's my boss and Jake essentially becomes my pimp. At home it's almost like Edward doesn't exist and the money just grows on trees. Granted Jake found the computer in the trash down the road and the internet wasn't too pricey, but I assumed it would benefit in some form of a job. Not a gaming addiction. Jake's currently satisfied with what I'm bringing home and makes no effort to try to salvage anything.

It was wrong of me to ever look at Edward romantically, I realize that. Everything about our arrangement is morally wrong, not to mention illegal. But Edward gives me something Jake doesn't, respect. He doesn't treat me like a paid whore, actually it's anything but. He often jokes that he's boyfriend number two; but he is. That's how I see him…

His business is starting to do well, he's an amazing artist. With his schedule my work has become limited to very part time, but he pays me more to justify it. I don't quite understand the logic or the thought behind the gifts he sometimes buys me.

He doesn't mind if I just drop by. I can come over anytime I want, he appreciates my company… Edward makes me feel wanted, but Jake needs me.

I know Jake is a parasite… I've thought of leaving him dozens of times over the years. I've just never been strong enough to do it. Even now I'm still holding on and I don't know what the hell for.

I have a mostly sexless relationship with an immature ass who's addicted to fantasy games worse than a pre-pubescent boy.

I've checked his e-mail accounts and I know that he's swapping photos with some of the women he raids with. I pray each day that one of them takes him off of my hands because I'm a victim of domestic violence and I'm afraid of what will happen if I try to leave.

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"_You're playing with fire girl!" _Lousie has been battered by her husband for forty two years, she still isn't strong enough to leave either. Afraid she'll lose his pension…

"_Let Edward save you before Jake kills you!" _Alice is one of our group leaders; she was a victim and vows to never become one again. She's only a few years older than me and most days she's the only faith and hope I have left of making it in this world.

"I'm just a tall order of _Wild-berry Cherry Pussycat…_" If only I were anything more…

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The women in my support group are always amazing. I expected to get ejected after sharing my story. Surprisingly enough, a group of women on a men bashing crusade don't tend to care how many of them you're fucking.

They're all I have, the only ones that know and understand my struggle. Alice dragged me in after spotting me sporting bruises at a missionary. She could look at any woman on the street and just know. She had a gift and on some level she will forever be my angel, if not one day my saving grace.

Realistically, I can come up with many reasons to leave and very few to stay. Living in Jake's uncles house saves us from paying rent. The money from Edward varies, but has been coming in at a steady increase. However Jake has come to depend on it and spend it as fast as it comes in…

I don't know what I'd do if Edward went back to paying me less. I know Jake wouldn't be happy… The only thing I get with that money is time. Time, that Jake thinks I'm working; so that my girls can pick me up and dust me off for another day.

Even with my life falling apart at every damn seam… Edward manages to make me feel like a woman in every sense of the word. He's the most giving lover I have ever encountered, he insists. He forces me to enjoy myself and lets me know that I deserve it, which is a polar opposite from Jake.

Thankfully Edward never comments on the bruises. With him, I can be whomever I want to be. He's really into role-playing and I've found it can be quite enjoyable with the right person. Most importantly, he calls me beautiful… when I feel anything but.

I just keep praying that with each passing day, he might consider me as something more…

_Keep me, save me, love me…_

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**~End Chapter 1 - Secrets**

Thanks for dropping by!

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I intentionally withheld important details in this chapter for a more dramatic effect. I hope it wasn't too confusing. Interesting cluster-fuck maybe? Let me know what you think. I plan to release the next Chapter of Boy next door this week, but until then…

Check out some of my favorites. TeamBella23 has some pretty dysfunctional characters, which are exactly the type I like to work and dabble with. I've been working my way down her list.

His Singer1 writes poetry and often, listed under Compositions.

Thanks to; TheWaywardPushers for giving me the push I needed. Project Team Beta for working to help me with my grammar issues; and Filia1990 for directing me to them.

I also want to thank Jansails. She always keeps it real - good or bad. For quite awhile she's been the closest thing I had to a beta and I still value her feedback.


	2. Chapter 2 Coffee

**The Hideaway…**

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**~Chapter 2 - Coffee**

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La la la la

La la la la

La la la la

I want you to love me, like I'm a hot pie

Keep thinkin' of me, doin' what you like

So boy forget about the world cuz it's gon' be me and you tonight

I wanna make your bed for ya, then Imma make you swallow your pride

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only girl in the world...

Like I'm the only one that's in command

Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only one...

Want you to take me like a thief in the night

Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right

Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keepin', you can come inside

And when you enter, you ain't leavin', be my prisoner for the night

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only girl in the world...

Like I'm the only one that's in command

Cuz I'm the only one who understands, like I'm the only one who knows your heart, only one...

Take me for a ride

Oh baby, take me high

Let me make you first

Oh make it last all night

Take me for a ride

Oh baby, take me high

Let me make you first

Make it last all night

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only girl in the world...

Like I'm the only one that's in command

Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man

Only girl in the world...

Girl in the world...

Only girl in the world...

Girl in the world...

(Rhianna - Only Girl (In the world)

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**{BELLA-POV}**

"Morning beautiful..." Edward wakes, hissing before sucking in a sharp breath - as I run my tongue along the underside of his beautiful throbbing shaft, wetting it. It's so pretty... I embarrassingly told him so _once_, and now he wants reminders all the time.

The sheets begin to grind in shallow pools around my knees as Edward fiercely grips the bed linens beneath him… I know he's loving it; _every short minute of it_. I gently stroke with hands and mouth, flicking my tongue… while intently listening to some of the most erotic sounds I've ever heard escape a man. His morning voice is always soft and a little raspy; incredibly sexy. It never fails to land in pulsating quivers right between my thighs, opening that ache for fulfillment…

"Mmm…I love your cock," I anxiously purr - nuzzle included. I can't really tell him what I'm feeling. Truth is, I don't know him all that well. We have amazing sexy times and he rewards me generously_. He's my boss and I've embarrassingly come to love him_. I know it's _wrong_.

I try to push the focus back on him but find my center can be very hard to ignore. Sucking a little harder, I seal my lips around the base of his shaft to tantalize with a swirl of my tongue. I can't help but moan, needing him in more than just my mouth. This drives him absolutely wild...

Originally I went in with a preconceived notion that this would never be anything more than an arrangement. Not thinking that I would ever find any real pleasure in meeting Edwards needs. I was surprised when I found it to be; entertaining, enjoyable, immensely pleasurable, and oh-so satisfying quite early on.

Now, I'm addicted to his praise. I don't often get that at home, but here…

_Edward is full of it._

I pin-point exactly when he's about to come. Not because he's pulsing in my mouth… But because he releases the tug on the sheets to drive his hands into my hair. When he locks his fingers I know exactly what he wants, but I'm in the mood for a little hair pulling. He writhes, absentmindedly thrusting toward my face. Letting me know, it's so good - he can barely stand it.

My eyes; he wants to see them. _This_ started after our second week together. I thought it might be awkward, but it never was… Not even a little bit.

I meet his stare, settling on his gorgeous green eyes. So sexy… With an almost feminine spray of lashes. He's incredibly attractive, which makes this whole arrangement feel like a brilliant dream. Except I hadn't the ability to conjure up something this perfect.

His brows start to furrow, nostrils flare, and then he's shuddering beneath me… I prepare for what he's about to give me, swallowing his length as his body stiffens, abandoning himself to _my pleasure_. I've never felt _sexier_ and this is where I get idiotic ideals that Edward might one day… I don't know, want me around for more than just sex? I know Edward doesn't need a paid whore, yet here I am.

I agonizingly wait while his lips quiver for a few moments, and then we get to my favorite part. When the lazy crooked smile reveals itself... If I want to see him laugh; I'll give the head one final long lick. He's really sensitive after and it's really just too damn cute.

That's the only time he ever tries to guard himself from me, and usually after I get that last lick.

He pops up and kisses my lips, fast and firm - stealing that opportunity away from me. He then groans along my ear as he grazes his hand along the edge of my panties. Quickly, easing a finger deep inside with very little effort. I know I'm wet, I can't deny the way Edward makes me feel. Immediately I arch to meet his hand and he graciously offers his thumb, circling my clit.

"Come with me," his lips are all over my neck. Slow wet heated kisses… I grind against his hand and he anxiously slips another finger inside. Leaving me gasping - I find myself catching my breath in a shivering inhale as I ride his hand while straddled over his bare thigh. So fucking good… Jake never thought I was worth the _extra effort_.

"Take off your shirt," he hisses in a ragged breath against my throat. My fingers trail clumsy over the buttons on my shirt. I'm trying to focus but it's all lost in my center - where he continues to bury his fingers deep inside, in a desperate rhythm.

_He wants this just as much as I do. _

A few buttons pop with assistance from Edward's impatient hand, echoing hollow as they skip across the wood floor. "I'll buy you a new one," he throatily reassures me before sealing his mouth around my nipple and offering it a gentle bite through my white undershirt. I suck in a sharp unsteady breath and my hands fist his beautiful messy caramel fudge strands, winding by the handful as I brace myself against the solid firmness of his bare chest. _I don't give a damn about the shirt._

In releasing my overly sensitive nipple, his tongue drags repeatedly across my lips as he tries to catch them. My labored breathing complicates us from connecting, but he never fails to try… He loves, err wants me in all the ways I want Jake to love and appreciate me.

Reaching out he catches the back of my neck, using his new found leverage to firmly pull me down hard onto his other hand… "_Just like that_," I taunt - he has me right where he wants me. Hungrily interrogating with lips and tongue at my mouth, while I fill him with ragged moans and sighs. Incoherent babbles; he leaves me speaking in tongues.

He takes me over the edge in a series of warm and erratic waves, and I lose myself completely - _in his eyes_…

Before Edward, I'd never felt this appreciated or wanted... It was as if every fiber in my being was awakening to find all of these pleasures, some for the very first time. He makes me feel _human_ again.

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"_He hasn't hit me at all this week," _I share with Alice over coffee… As If it really means anything. Jake hasn't made progress, it's just a stand still.

"_I really wish you would tell Edward," _Alice sighs.

"_I don't ever want him to know, it's embarrassing enough…" _I shake my head politely, before taking a small sip from my mug.

"_Jake doesn't love you, he hits you. When are you going to realize that Bella?" _This isn't the first time, Alice is always saying similar things. She understands, but she doesn't…

"_He didn't always hit me_," I defend Jake _again_. "_Times are tough right now. Being with Edward is messing with my perception_," I admit. Jake would never leave me, no matter how often I _sometimes_ _wish_ it.

"_By showing you affection," _Alice notes. The idea of taking that leap… The risk of losing Edward was more frightening than the thought of dealing with Jake on a really bad day. I need Edward, at least for a _little while longer_.

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I'm sitting on the couch with the television on, but there really isn't much on since we can't afford cable with all of Jake's online hobbies err habits. Jake has been sitting on the computer for at least six hours, minus three very brief bathroom breaks. There's no way he could have possibly washed his hands on any of the three occasions. Whatever he is doing is by far _more important_.

I know if I want to repair things with us, I have to put forth some effort. I'm having a hard time making a move, repulsed by the very presence of him. I don't even touch him anymore. There's so many changes that need to be made, I can't decide where to begin.

It doesn't matter. I know he won't put forth the effort to make the first move, unless asking to be waited on counts. Thus far I've made him a sandwich, refilled his glass of iced tea several times, and brought him a pair of socks - that are still resting to the side of the keyboard.

Eventually I can take a hint. I go to bed knowing Jake is going to choke the chicken with a sock and assistance from his internet harem. I bid him goodnight, it's the closest form of a thank you I can muster.

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**{EDWARD-POV}**

My first regret was that I didn't fuck her. I even considered being late for an appointment when I found her half dressed sitting on the kitchen counter. Her legs, beautifully bare and longer than the Nile were crossed at the ankle. I could see her right nipple clearly through the wet spot I'd left on her tank top. She sipped her coffee, completely unaware of my struggle.

My breath hitched in my throat when she offered to pour me a cup of coffee. I wanted to fuck the hell out of her over the kitchen island. Get down on my knees and beg her to never leave me. Craziest thought: tell her _I love her_.

I lie and tell her I'm running late, to escape doing something stupid. I regret not telling her each time we part. Fearful that one day all I'll be left with is memories of those gorgeous legs wrapped around me.

I know I have to tell her, if only to get it out for my own sanity. It just seems so fucking cheesy, love based on sex. I'm sure she'd be flattered for a few seconds, before she'd either laugh or realize _this_ couldn't carry on anymore.

I spend my morning trying to convince myself I don't _really_ love her. I love the sex. However I love the sex so much so - that I'll love her just to continue having the amazing sex. There's no way to get around it, _I love he_r.

I keep hoping that one day she'll show some good faith and leave that douche bag. I ponder if I'm just being used. Then decide it doesn't even matter, I want Bella to _use me_. It's gotten to the point where I can't even look at another woman in a sexual way. My dick shrivels every time a woman flirts with me, it feels so _wrong_. I feel like it would be cheating, but I'm only _cheating myself_. After-all, Bella has _him_.

I spend my time away from her in a daze, thinking about her with him is almost maddening. It's about the only thing that keeps me going all day, I haven't slept well in weeks. I have to book a hall for a showing, meet with a printer and my manager to sign a few hundred reprints. Then catch up with the band for dinner and hit the recording studio.

I'm not even really listening to the pre-recorded tracks. I nod and go along with whatever they want. It ends in a blur at The Hideaway, where I drink all my cares away. I'm not even a witty drunk anymore. I've joined the depressed, angry, annoyed, and disorderly group. That makes me less approachable and I'm okay with that _for now_.

I waste a few hours staring at the phone. Knowing it would be a mistake to drunk dial, yet I can't get over the constant compulsion that keeps surging through my hand. My fingers dial and then I hang up, _repeat, repeat, repeat. Breathe… Repeat, repeat_… You get the idea. I'm not sure if having Bella on speed dial is idiocy or pure genius _at this hour_.

When my phone rings it scares the living shit out of me and I come _thisclose_ to pissing myself. Regaining my composure and seeing Bella's name flash across the screen, I feel as if the clouds have brilliantly parted, angels are singing, and finally God has answered my every prayer. She rarely calls me and _never_ this late.

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"_Bella_," I answer trying to conceal the utter shock in my slurred tone.

"_You keep calling and hanging up_?" She sounds confused and half asleep.

"_Um… Did I_?" I play dumb, terrified of how many of those calls could have possibly went through.

"_Did you want me to come over_?" She offers…

"_You were sleeping. I'm sorry_," I stammer.

"_Okay_," she whispers in a soft voice. My dick is leaping; _he's selfish_.

"_Would you_?" I ask, knowing I should have just punched myself right then.

"_I'll let myself in_," she purrs. I hang up the phone. I've got maybe twenty minutes to sober up and make the hard decisions. I know what I want to do to Bella, it's just a matter of how and where.

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After chugging the coffee leftover in the pot from this morning, I'm left with nasty breath and having to piss every five minutes. I have enough sense to at least use mouthwash before I decide to wait on the couch.

As time creeps by, the paranoia is a little sobering. I'm pissing way too damn often, and do you know how hard it is to aim with a hard on while less than sober? The task has become a hundred times more daunting than it should be! _Where is she_?

The drunk in me is annoyed and disappointed when she shows up twelve minutes later than I'd anticipated. I expected I'd get more for those twelve minutes. Maybe she'd brush the sleep out of her hair; evidence she'd been romping around with _him_. Be considerate and change out of her sleep clothes, of which she probably wore when she climbed into bed with _him_. I noticed everything, including the mint on her breath when she crawled into my lap to _straddle me_.

I felt safe seeking out her mouth. Fisting my hands in her hair, I pull her lips down to meet mine. Claiming them until they're swollen and cherry red. She releases this anxious little purr as she repositions herself to get a better reach into my pants. She found what she was looking for while I silently prayed I wouldn't have to piss for at least ten to fifteen more minutes.

Fearful I couldn't hold on much longer after she'd merely stroked the head of my cock a few times, I stilled her hands. Bella took the initiative to stand up and start undressing. Removing her pajama pants with her panties…

The hem of her t-shirt barely covers her, giving me subtle flashes of her slit. Beckoning for me to slide a hand there, I glide a few fingers through her slick folds. I leave her gasping and she sucks in her bottom lip, giving it a gentle bite. Her hips gravitate toward me as she raises and discards her shirt. She's so sexy; _beautiful always_…

I rise from the couch, guided by her bare soft curves. Eagerly she pulls at the back of my shirt until I drag my tongue over a hardened nipple. Suckling, she ceases in her efforts and hitches a leg at my hip, opening herself up to me.

I'm not too drunk to fuck, but I'm not as good as I once was. I quickly realize I don't quite have the coordination to pull of what she's anticipating. I've barely succeeded in keeping my own balance, let alone adding her weight into the mix. I step back before I stumble forward and drop her.

She comes at me and by the look in her eyes, I know I'm in trouble. She's not taking no for an answer. Pushing and pulling, I realize she wants my shirt. We start making headway toward the bedroom and I let her take it, rather than trying to fight my way out of it myself.

Bella makes no comment about my abbreviated state, I'm fairly certain she's caught on by now… She doesn't seem to care and I love her for just being here with me. I intend to give her exactly what she wants; as soon as I can steady myself accordingly.

She throws her arms around my neck. I can't tell who's leading who. The bedroom door is dancing back and forth. When I feel the thump of her back hitting the wall, I realize I've aimed poorly. Her hands drop to my waist to finish what she started, shoving my pants down far enough to free my aching cock.

My brain stops functioning - her hand, my cock - _wow! _The sensations are so fucking intense I'm not sure I can do this, already I can feel my knees starting to give out.

"I want you to fuck me," she pleads. I press my forehead against the wall beside her and try to work out the angle. Sensing my struggle she hitches her leg over my hip again. This time I'm better prepared and we're crashing into the wall instead of the floor.

She starts scaling me like a little spider monkey until she finds what she wants. When the head of my cock slips into her wet pool, I can't help but shudder. My drunken reflexes lead me to take a stumbling side step. I fill her with a purely accidental driving thrust during my attempt at pinning her securely back against the wall.

My paralyzing grunt manages to drown out her satisfied moan. I'm having a hard time moving my hips, afraid I'll lose it. I paint a heated line across her throat with my tongue as I try to recall yesterdays football scores; huge fail when she starts grinding back into me. She locks her hands in my hair and her breasts rise and fall, soft and bare up and down across my chest while she anxiously tries to ride me. She doesn't quite have the leverage with my hips firmly planted against hers and for that I'm grateful.

"Bella," I groan in warning. The warmth of her is already too much. Each time she bucks and tightens around me, I feel like I'm about to come.

"Mmm…please…" I tilt my head back, trying to distance myself… She keeps pulling me in, this time with teeth. Her tug on my bottom lip is anything but gentle; her frustration becoming apparent.

I gyrate in slow inconsistent circles. My knees are spongy springs, this is the sloppiest fuck I've ever delivered. That's what's running through my mind until I meet her gaze. Deep brown pools reflect her full attention is on me; yet I see _him_.

"Fuck me," she growls into my mouth. I pick up the pace and once I'm fucking her in a primal rhythm, my dick doesn't seem as sensitive.

"Like that," I hiss. She goes back to holding my lower lip hostage between her teeth, until one of us finishes or it bleeds apparently. The taste of copper fills my mouth; Bella releases my lip and flinches in wait for my reaction. I kiss her hard, pounding her ass against the wall while painting her mouth with bloody kisses.

_Mine all mine_… Yet I see _him_ reflecting in her eyes. I close my eyes, mechanically shifting inside her. I realize I could fuck her until sunrise, there's no way in hell I'm going to finish _now_.

Every time our hips connect, she cries out. Various obscenities and sometimes my name. It helps, but nothing she does can erase _him_ from invading my thoughts right _now_. Her tongue grazes my bloody lip; wet, warm, and soothing. I want to open my eyes, but I'm terrified of what I'll find.

I've given up all hope of finding any release for myself. Focusing my resentment for _him_ into thrusting deeper and harder. Frantically trying to succeed in bringing her over the edge; give her what _she wants_.

When her muscles clench to shudder around me… I continue to pound incredulously. _How can she fuck him and fuck me? _Driving into her like it's a competition, I know it's the only way I can possibly _win_ her over.

"Does he fuck you like this?" I spat while lost in the moment; entirely inappropriate. I regret the words as soon as they fly off my tongue. Bella quickly decides she's done having her fun with me and almost painfully bounces off my dick.

_I fucking ruined it…_

When I feel her hair graze the underside of my arm. I know she's gone and I can only imagine that she's busy gathering her things.

I open my eyes and I'm left bracing myself against a wall with a raging hard on. I think I might have to piss again and I know I'm going to have to say something so she doesn't walk out on me. I'm not sure an _I'm drunk; what do you expect? _Is going to cut it…

_I'm fucked!_

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _I pound my head against the wall to the rhythm of the _you're fucked _alarm going off in my head.

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**~End Chapter 2 - Coffee**

Thanks for dropping by!


	3. Chapter 3 Addiction

I apologize for the delay in updates on my stories. There's been a recent death in the family and I haven't had much creative energy. They're coming, just not as fast as I'd like them to. Thank you for reading and reviewing my madness! I send you lots of *smooches* for your patience, muah!

**The Hideaway…**

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**~Chapter 3 - Addiction**

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That I would be good even if I did nothing

That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick

That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt

That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great if I was no longer queen

That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good

Whether with or without you

(Alanis Morisette- That I would be good)

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**{EDWARD-POV}**

"_When I'm with you, I make every second count."_

I didn't know how to respond. When she leaves, I still feel like an ass. It's a sobering moment and soon after I become violently ill. I could blame the alcohol, but I'm sick _without her_.

A million thoughts run through my mind, each one ending with her walking out. Truthfully, I never expected _this_ to carry on for as long as it has. Eventually it was bound to end, _just like this_.

In the beginning…

_I was foolish to think I could let her go. _

Another sleepless night…

Another sleepless night…

Another sleepless night…

I meet up with the band over at Jasper's place. They've already got a jam session started. Jasper is wailing on his bass guitar and Emmett is slamming on the drums. They're both really into their shit, lately my heart hasn't been in it. These past few days have been hell with no sign of Bella.

They notice, blaming it on _my_ alcohol abuse. Pissing and moaning that the AA shit isn't cutting it. It's a waste of precious practice time. I kick out a few chords and they shut the fuck up. I then start the song over. Twenty seconds in and Emmett is pounding at my back, drowning my vocals out with his cymbals.

"Fuck it!" I down-strum before releasing the neck on my guitar.

"Quit being a bitch, give me some energy!" Emmett scolds, shouting over his relentless heel up on the bass drum.

"That's all I've got." I shrug off my guitar. I'm not going to strain because Emmett's being a girl.

"My guess is herpes or syphilis. That shit will make you tired," Jasper notes, dropping his last chord.

"Eddie baby, are you still double dipping in the sloppy seconds pool?"

"Shut up, you'd fuck her," I scoff. Emmett's only concern is himself. He's taken more of a leadership in my absence, but I'm still the lead.

"He'd fuck anything," Jasper laughs.

"I would; your sister too!" Emmett shrugs still keeping his momentum.

"Fuck you man, shut the fuck up…" Jasper groans. Emmett has already crossed that bridge but Jasper is still floating in a river of denial. I've fucked his sister too.

"Play with me Eddie," Emmett winks.

We fuck around for another hour before we're cracking beers. Emmett goes on and on about how productivity is important. I'm aware that they're keeping count on how much I'm drinking, after all they keep handing me the bottles.

"_I fucking hate her… I fucking love her_." I have to get it out and my next AA meeting isn't for another three days. My assigned sponsor won't even take my calls anymore.

"That's what I'm talking about. Jot that shit down," Emmett waves his bottle at me.

"_Bella, I think I love her_."

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Their first reaction is to laugh at me, not that I expect anything else. Jasper sort of sympathizes and it ends with them asking me what I'm going to do about it.

"_I don't know_."

That isn't an option. I have to figure this shit out and unfortunately neither of them are of any use to me. Jasper insists I give her an ultimatum as if there really is no other option. While I've been having murderous thoughts on how to kill off the competition and worse…

_Kill her; so he can't have her._

That's not me. What have I become? I used to think that I'd be good no matter what. I let her in to the point where she now defines who I am. _I'll be anything she fucking wants me to be! _

I've never had a serious girlfriend _ever_.

I've never wanted someone keeping tabs on me.

I've never wanted to share my space.

I've never wanted a girl of my own, they're clingy and all sorts of drama - I've tried to rationalize a thousand times over.

I don't know if it's because I can't _really_ have her or because I seriously wouldn't mind her doing all of the above. Some days I wish she'd put me out of my misery and take over my life. Take it because I'd fucking give it to her, everything. All of it, anything she wants. I'd rob a bank for her. I'd kill for her. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her - and I don't even _really_ _know her_.

Still - I want her, I need her, I love her. She's like crack cocaine to me; masochistic sexual addiction.

Goddamn succubus, seductress, enchantress... It was supposed to be that one time. Now I'm too far gone, completely fucking addicted. I don't even normally believe in myth type weird shit but she makes me believe!

I have another beer with the guys and call it a night once their girls drop by. Emmett has three and Jasper has a new girl, Alice. I know Emmett has a thing for Jasper's sister Rosalie, but since she works at The Hideaway he has to level the playing field. He kicked my ass good a few years ago for messing around with her. To this day I'm not allowed to say her name in his presence, we pretend I don't know her. Saves me from getting another ass kicking and Emmett is a pretty big dude.

I arrive home to a message on my answering machine. Hearing her voice is music to my ears after days of silence. It lifts a small weight off my shoulders. Until I come to the realization Bella didn't dial my cell, nor did she stop by. Instead she's asking permission to come over. She sounds too formal and almost apologetic.

_I should have called_…_Fuck! _I thought it would be best to leave the ball in her court, I thought wrong.

I return her call, not caring about the hour. Her tone on the machine said call back in the morning, but after thinking about the other night I decide I'll call whenever the fuck I want. Hearing her voice live, I barely have the balls to muster up, "_you called?_"

"_I'll be right over_," she whispers into the receiver before hanging up the line.

Panic sets in with the sinking feeling that this is going to be the very last time we make memories of us. It feels like a death sentence. I'm drowning in a cloud of dread and fear long before she opens my door. My last hit.

I expect her to lead me to the gas chamber, but she says nothing. I'm not sure if it will stall my fate, but I try to explain myself anyway.

"I've made it apparent that I have no respect for him. If I had any respect for him, we wouldn't be together. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did the other night."

"What does that say about you?" She asks quietly with a mischievous glint burning in her eyes. Obviously it takes two, never have I ever called her a _cheating_ whore. Never blamed her. I know I'm just as guilty as she is. It is _our arrangement_.

"I never thought I'd be that guy but for you, I will." I admit that I'm a fucking pussy, out-loud.

"How noble of you Sir Edward," she retorts with a smile. She thinks it's all a game. Now we're role-playing. I don't give a fuck, at least she isn't breaking off our arrangement.

"I love playing house with you," I admit. Her hands are in my hair and her lips are wetting my throat. For the first time ever, I'm confused on where to put my hands. I'm over thinking everything.

"You haven't been calling," her tone is but a shy whisper in my barely furnished apartment.

"I've been busy with… band practice," I lie. She smells so fucking good, it's almost indescribable. Tangerine and strawberry with a hint of a soft floral scent? A little ginger? Honey? Vanilla? The smell is so familiar, but I can't pin point exactly what it is.

It's _Bella_.

"I've missed you, make it up to me…" she breathes. Her hands are all over me. I manage to wrap my brain around having make-up sex and plunge my hands onto her ass. She wants me, not him. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Mine.

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**{BELLA-POV}**

Three days with Jake is more than I can stand. Every time we bump into each other in this small hell hole, he asks when the money is coming in. Him getting off his lazy ass and getting a job has become an obsolete concept.

I know I'm cramping his style with his internet sluts, but I have nowhere to go. I could call Alice, but I'm not in the mood to hear any crap - even if she is a good listener. I spend most of my days sleeping - hoping Edward is going to call, any minute now…

Jake punches me in the ear and I make the call. I have a hard time keeping my tone even with my ear burning and Jake looming over me. I'm glad Edward doesn't answer because it would definitely be harder to keep it all together.

Satisfied but still angry, Jake leaves me in the bedroom to resume his internet play I assume. Now my ear feels clogged like that time I had swimmers ear as a teen.

Who punches someone in the ear? I didn't see that one coming. It's been a long time since Jake has caught me off guard like that.

"You're such a prick," I hiss while sitting on the corner of the bed, soothing my ear with my palm. He's so into whatever he's doing that he doesn't even respond.

I have visions of cracking him over the back of the head with my large heavy cast iron skillet. He would be so unsuspecting, sitting there like a bump on a log eagerly waiting for the next message to come flashing across the screen. When, _wham - lights out_…

I could _kill_ him, nobody would miss him. _Nobody_… Ever since Edward said what he did, I can't even make up excuses for him. Jake's a worthless piece of shit, just like my family said. Like everyone says… All of his friends live in his computer and they only get to see the side of Jake that doesn't exist in real life.

I've almost mustered the courage, started thinking of ways in which to dispose of his body. I could probably drag him into the woods out back, maybe Alice would help me…

Edward returns my call. I tell him I'm coming over. I'm near tears and I need to get the hell out of here. I pray the entire drive over that I don't get pulled over because I'm speeding.

Pray that it isn't over between us. _It still isn't over_, at least not for me.

Why oh why did I let what he said cut me so deeply? The truth hurts so damn bad...

Edward surprises me with sort of an apology the minute I arrive; it's apparent he thinks Jake is a piece of shit too. Yet he doesn't ever encourage me to leave him, he's not as interested as Alice thinks.

Per usual I'm expecting to get down to business fairly quickly, he grabs my ass and gives me the green light. Then a minute later he catches my hands and insists he's tired. I try to hide the worry from reaching my eyes, when he asks me to please stay the night.

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"Alice it was so damn strange. We didn't do anything but lie there and every twenty minutes or so he'd ask me odd random questions. When he was supposedly too tired…" I bare my soul to Alice because my world is crumbling apart beyond my comprehension.

"What kind of questions?" She asks and I try to rack my brain, there were so many.

"What kind of soap do I use; do I wear perfume? What my favorite curse word is, on a scale of one to five how organized do I think I am? Just completely odd random bizarre stuff." I'm trying to decode what he's asking and Alice is laughing at me.

"So what did you tell him?"

"I told him what bath and body products I use. Favorite curse - fuck," I shrug. "I'm surprised he needed to ask about that one." We share a small laugh over coffee and a shared sandwich.

"Organization," Alice grins.

"A five, I don't have much stuff to organize." We continue to laugh and even though I'm laughing with her, admitting this hurts. If we were talking about my life, the answer would be a two on a good day. I've let Jake hold me down, drowning for so long…

"I don't think it's weird that he wants to know you." She shrugs before taking a dainty bite out of her turkey sandwich.

"He didn't call for three days, you don't think he has a girlfriend?" I ask as if it matters, while I have a ball and chain I can't free myself from.

"I don't know, maybe not. Why don't you ask him?" She makes it sound so easy.

"He asked me if I could change one thing about myself, what would it be and why…" I speak softly, folding the wax paper wrapper over my sandwich. I can't eat right now.

"Oh that's a good one, what did you say?" She asks leaning into the table, very interested.

"Nothing, I pretended to sleep," I shrug softly. It was a loaded question…

"What would you have said? You can tell me," she pushes.

"Say what? That I wish I could live in la-la land with Edward forever. That I'm tired of being kicked around, Jake even went so far as to punch me in the ear last night."

"Bella," Alice scolds, concern in her tone.

"Last night, I almost did it. I almost got rid of him. Edward's call saved him."

"What do you mean by almost got rid of him?"

"You don't think he's just going to let me leave, do you? He'd kill me if I didn't come back when I said I would. Well, if he noticed." I laugh, but Alice doesn't think it's funny.

"It's either him or me. We stay together or only one of us is going to walk away."

"You don't belong in prison Bella."

"I'm already in prison. It's not like I'm planning on getting caught. I don't even know if I could really go through with it. You'd testify for me, wouldn't you?" I quip, trying to make fun. It's the only thing that gets me through the day. Fake smiles, fake laugh, fake life with Edward.

"You're going to need more than me to testify. Tell Edward, you can get a restraining order."

"What if he doesn't want me Alice, that's a great possibility."

"So you stay with me at the shelter until you get back on your feet," she insists.

"Because that's much more glamorous than the life I'm leading currently…Still, I'd have nothing, except a crap load of roommates. It's not that I don't love you Alice…" I remind her.

"You'd have your dignity," she insists.

"Maybe I don't want my dignity back," I toss out there.

"You don't mean that," she calls my bluff.

"It's not like I'm going to stop screwing Edward for money, the shelter closes too early for me to keep working." The answer is cut and dry, I can't.

"So you make other arrangements," she notes as she wraps up the rest of her sandwich.

"There is no other arrangement Alice," I'm not leaving Edward to escape Jake. My fake life is all I currently have going for me.

"Fine, but know the offer is there," she scolds me one last time. Her tone reminds me, I forgot the money. Shit, Jake is going to kill me…

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I rush back over to Edward's place, praying to God he left me some money - enough to appease Jake. I run up the steps to his apartment, breathing like I just finished running a marathon by the time I get my key in the lock. Just as I finish turning the key, the door opens and Edward is standing there looking satisfied in nothing but a towel.

"Miss me already," he grins.

"Yes, but that isn't why I came back," I huff in a heavy breath. Edward fakes the cutest little pout at my admittance and I can't help but smile a little.

"Yeah, you seem tense," he notes before backing away from the door.

"I forgot my money and Jake..," I catch myself and quickly close the door behind me. _Shut up stupid!_

"We wouldn't want that," he smiles, completely oblivious to my pain. It's what I want, right? I try to start again, but I can't even find the words - trapped between his eyes and his mouth.

"I left my wallet on the dresser, take what you need." He shrugs before turning toward the fridge.

"What if I take it all?" I tease, dropping my purse and keys on the kitchen counter.

"If that's what you need," he insists staring me down point-blank.

"Well I wish I could take you home with me, but I can't see how that would work out," I toy, hoping to steal a grin.

"So stay," he shrugs, followed with a rapid nodding of his head.

"You know I can't."

"No, he says you can't. I'm saying you can," he notes sharply and it stings.

"I'm sorry…" he quickly apologizes when I can't come up with a witty retort and abandons the gallon of orange juice on the counter. His hands are up as if to prove he's unarmed as he moves around the counter to reach me. His words hurt and he sees the truth. Approaching slowly, like I'm a wounded puppy ready to snap.

"For what? A night, a week, until you get tired of looking at me?" I force an amused laugh. It comes out sounding dry and unexpected. I can't even do that right.

"Stay with me," he repeats slowly as he steps around me to remove my coat. I let him. It takes everything within my being to not cry.

And why cry because someone cares, even if they only care about sex. He doesn't care about you dummy, even if you provide the sex. I tried to make sense of the jumbled thoughts bouncing around in my head as his fingers trailed over my mouth before softly caressing their way over my jaw. With one simple gesture, he had me. He gives me what I need more than anything in this world, attention and loving adoration - even if it is all a façade. He fills voids so deep, even the voids I never knew existed.

"How do you do that?" I hesitate, lowering my gaze. His eyes tell me what I want to believe. So many false truths spilling forth.

"Do what? Convince you to stay? I'm still working on it," he admits as he reveals a perfect smile.

Moments like this confuse me, why am I here?

"Why not some pretty blonde, college graduate… You don't know anyone better than me?" It all comes rolling out, the thought that has consumed me since day one.

"I don't particularly care for blondes and nobody, I mean nobody; does it better than you."

"Edward…"

"Yeah, like that," he grins. "You can say my name as many times as you wish, I'll never tire of hearing it."

"Edward." I'm pretty sure our signals are crossed and lost in translation. I'm trying to talk him down, but his lips are grazing along the side of my neck, making it quite difficult. I'm trying to be serious and he's sexy - so damn hot; dear God why does he have to be so damn hot!

"Mmm," he groans and I nearly come undone. I step back, it's all I can do. I leave Edward kissing air.

"I really have to get going, he's expecting me… With money," I remember why the hell I came back in the first place.

The furrow in his brows tells me he's a little disappointed, but it's gone by the time he returns from the bedroom with his wallet. He looks over the bills, silently counting. I expect him to give me some of it, instead he hands me all of it.

"This is too much," I admit trying to hand most of it back. I'm not trying to break him, I don't want this to be over. Is he saying it's over!

"I can't pay you enough," he laughs sheepishly. "I want you to have it," he pushes my hand away.

"Edward."

"There you go again," he purrs. I'm pretty sure he's just teasing me now.

"This is a lot of money, you worked hard for this," I try to make him see he's not thinking rationally. "Earlier I was only kidding," I remind him.

"I know... Fine, since you're being such a pain in the ass about it. I want a weekend, days and nights."

"This is more than a weekend," I laugh at the absurd amount of cash in my hand.

"Two weeks then, days and nights."

"I couldn't," I admit shaking my head.

"If it's because you don't want to, say it. Otherwise ask him," he states flatly.

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**{EDWARD}**

I give her the money, what I have yet to drink and piss away anyway. I know it's enough money for her to run until she finds other opportunities. I know it's stupid, but I need to know. Does she love me, my money, or both? If she runs with my money I'm going to be a pissed motherfucker kicking myself in the ass and I'll only have myself to blame.

Yet there's a part of me that believes she deserves it, even if she does run. I want more for Bella., but I want more for myself too. I want her, every heavenly piece of her. This is me taking Jasper's advice. I'm sincerely hoping she chooses me or both, I can live with both…

I'm a fucking dumb-ass… I'm going to kick Jasper's ass.

_I don't know how I'm going to live without her… _

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**{BELLA}**

I take his money, waiting until I get to my car to actually count it out in its entirety. I know Jake will eagerly let me stay two weeks for this. I also know it may be a long time before I ever see this kind of money again. It might just be enough to escape.

Immediately I call Alice to see how much money she has saved. She has a part time job and has been staying at the shelter for as long as I've known her, she better have something saved.

Together we figure out we have enough money to sign a lease and float for a few months. I spend my first and hopefully only night at the woman's shelter with Alice. Tomorrow morning I'll file for a restraining order and then we'll hunt for a rental. I don't let on that I'm terrified when Alice admits that she's excited for what tomorrow may bring.

_I'm so madly in love with my fake life with Edward…_

_I'd find another job and live it for free if need be. _

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**~End Chapter 3 - Addiction**

Thanks for dropping by!

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Yes I know Jasper's Alice is Bella's Alice, they haven't figured it out yet so shhhh don't tell them!

Follow me on twitter - Taintedvile.

_La La La La_


	4. Chapter 4 Drunk

**The Hideaway…**

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**~Chapter 4 - Drunk**

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There I was again tonight  
Forcing laughter, faking smiles  
Same old tired, lonely place

Walls of insincerity  
Shifting eyes and vacancy  
Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "Have we met?"  
Across the room your silhouette  
Starts to make its way to me  
The playful conversation starts  
Counter all your quick remarks  
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you  
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go  
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home  
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew  
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up  
2 AM, who do you love?  
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake  
And now I'm pacing back and forth  
Wishing you were at my door  
I'd open up and you would say  
It was enchanting to meet you  
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go  
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home  
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew  
This night is flawless, don't you let it go  
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone  
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew  
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that  
This was the very first page  
Not where the story line ends  
My thoughts will echo your name  
Until I see you again  
These are the words I held back  
As I was leaving too soon  
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else  
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Please don't be in love with someone else  
Please don't have somebody waiting on you  
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go  
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home  
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew  
This night is flawless, don't you let it go  
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone  
I'll spend forever wondering if you know  
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else  
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

(Taylor Swift - Enchanted)

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**{EDWARD-POV}**

"_Sex is not love, you're not really falling." _Jasper insists as I find my way to the bottom of the bottle.

I haven't heard from Bella in days. While I hoped for an answer, my expectations were never very high. Now I'm refusing to call simply because denial has a comfortable ring to it. Eventually I'll have to face the ugly truth - that she ran off with my money and isn't ever coming back. But for now; I've got my bottle, false hope, and Jasper dribbling in my ear.

"Go fuck someone else. You'll see they're all the same," Emmett adds. Great, now I've got him digging his heels in.

"You don't understand, it's fucking complicated." I hope to end the conversation. I don't need any reminders and when I don't show for practice it means there is no practice, not practice has been moved to my place.

"Dude you sound like a girl. Unknot your panties and go get laid!" Emmett cheers as he swipes the bottle from my hands. I quickly stand to snatch it back, managing to grab the bottle before I wobble and fall on my ass.

"Picture this…," I slur, quickly forgetting what I was about to go on about. _Oh yeah_… Then realize it would be in poor taste to spoil my best memories of Bella by letting the boys ridicule and rip them to shreds. I know them, they're pricks.

"I tried," I groan, cradling the bottle as I push back onto my feet. She broke me. Broke me in good, to where nothing but the best would suffice. I don't know where to go from here. Hell I don't even really know her, but I do know she's all I want - everything I've ever wanted…

"I'll call Victoria up. You can thank me later." Emmett moves past me in a blur to reach for the phone.

"You think Victoria's good," I laugh until I'm near tears. _It's fucking over, really over_.

"Victoria is one of the best. She'll be good to you bro," Jasper nods, reaching an arm out to help steady me.

"Sure, she can suck on my balls until I fall asleep." I can't help but shake my head at how ignorant they are.

"Remember Victoria? Third nipple ring any bells?" Jasper grins, speaking to me like I'm a child. I've been drinking, I didn't time travel back to kindergarten. Victoria does have a third nipple. It isn't centered, more like high up on the inside of her left breast. She wears low cut shirts to flash it, everyone has seen it. It isn't sexy, it's creepy. The thought sends chills down my spine, the yucky kind and I almost vomit in my mouth.

"She fucks like a porn star!" Emmett throws up rock fingers and Jasper joins him in a rock lock.

"Hell yeah! Dial that bitch," Emmett barks to Jasper.

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There's a knock at the door and immediately my thoughts shift to Bella. For a brief moment it feels as if life still exists, only to come crashing to a halt with the realization it's probably just Victoria. I've already rushed to answer the door, there's no turning back now.

"Victoria…," _What the fuck!_

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I repeat my thoughts.

"Is she here?" He asks leaning in my doorway, no doubt to search for Bella.

"She left you too?" I grin, coming to my own conclusions.

"What?" He asks, maybe he didn't hear me...

"I haven't seen her… Victoria," I cringe. She slips past douche bag, enters my apartment and heads straight for Emmett.

"If she comes here, you send her ass right home. You got me?" He threatens, his gaze fierce. I can't help but snicker. I swing the door closed and he stops it with his foot. I pull the door open, this time with a wobbly vengeance.

"Listen here you stupid fuck, back the hell off my door..." I'm completely ill prepared if this jackass decides to take a swing at me, the slur in my speech says so. Sometimes the crazy loud guy that comes out when I drink is _intimidating_, I hope he's intimidating tonight. Bella's ex is about my size, a little shorter but stockier. I think I can take him, but I'm not brave enough to pick a fight in my inebriated state. I almost lost my balance with the whole macho open the door with a vengeance bit…

Bella's ex, it has a certain ring to it don't you think? _I love it! _I just wish I didn't share the same title; if I could even be called that? Maybe I'm something cooler like: _the last sugar daddy. _Now that's a fucking title! _Sugar E. Daddy._

When I snap back to reality, I'm standing in the open doorway with no sign of him. _Must have scared him off. _I swear when I drink, anytime I try to think my eyes roll back into my head. It's like they disappear into another room, the one behind my eyes. _Or maybe I'm pretty damn close to blacking out? I'm pretty fucked up… Yeah?_

I crash into Emmett after closing the door. Prick was hunched over my back... _Now he's intimidating._

"Quit hanging on my ass like a bitch," I sneer.

"Next time you can be _his_ bitch," he laughs. I refuse to thank him, I didn't ask for help and I'm a pretty stubborn prick when I'm drunk…or some shit. I don't ever want to do anything when I'm this wasted, not even sleep if I can help it. I sit until I can't keep my eyes open anymore, savoring every sick slow minute. Intoxicated; I stand atop a mountain alone with all of my fears nestled in the valleys below. In these moments I can breathe in peace. Sitting on my bed connecting dots on a stark white wall.

"Let us use your room," Emmett bursts in, it takes me a minute of bobbing my head to actually set my sights on him.

"Fuck no," I giggle. Too damn funny. He thinks I'm going to let his boys go rolling around in my sheets, ha! Funniest thing I've heard all day; goes right up there with Bella's ex.

"Come on man," he pleads and I laugh.

"No." The end. "No twat on my couch or anywhere else I might think of eating." I think that's about it? He leaves. I don't know if he understood what I said…and come to think of it, I don't even remember what the fuck we were just talking about.

Moans jog my memory, he wanted my bed. White walls, white ceiling, moans. Whore moans; horribly exaggerated fake whore moans.

A cell phone rings in the distance and it sounds like it might be mine, but I have no idea where I left mine and it might not be mine. I almost move to get up, but I don't.

When the land line rings, I fall over and stretch across the bed to answer. I say nothing, breathing heavily into the receiver… This moving around shit is work!

"Hello?" I imagine a smile on her lips when her voice flutters into my ear.

"Bella, how are you?" My speech is horribly slurred, it's almost worse when I pretend to be sober. _I over think it, I think?_

"Are you at home?" It takes me a minute to realize she asked me a fairly simple question.

"Oh, yeah." I respond, preoccupied with holy fuck she chooses me. _Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Mine_. I'd do a little jig if I didn't think it would end with me landing on my head.

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I thought I'd have some time to get my shit together, not that she'd be knocking just seconds after I hang up the phone.

Emmett and Victoria fucking on my couch, check. "Fucking bastard…," I groan.

Jasper, passed out.

"Oh, Edward…Emmett.." Fake whore moan. They don't even pause, not for one second. The sound of my apartment door opening and closing was the only warning. Kitchen lights flood my vision; a blinding whir followed by the burn of Bella's sweaty palm. She slaps me fucking silly, hard and it hurts.

Before I can finish wishing that this is all just a fucking distorted dream she's leading me to my bedroom. Shoving me, I stumble and sometimes crawl - all the way there. There's no defense that makes sense right now, I can't make sense of shit. But I've never been happier to get my ass kicked around.

"I know it's been a long time Edward," she purrs with promise, shoving me down onto the bed. She's going to hurt me. _Hurt me, baby. _

I shiver when her fingers trace the tender spot she left on my cheek. "Too long," I admit leaning into her touch. Are we role playing again? _Fuck it, I am her bitch!_

"But there's no excuse for violence," she apologizes and I can't help but laugh. There's a whore in the living room calling my name. I know what it looks like. It's several shades of fucking ugly and yet she's apologizing to me.

"I deserve it." I grab her hands and pull her down to my level. "It's nothing," I reassure her. The room spins less when her face is only inches from mine.

"It isn't nothing Edward," her eyes are welling with tears. It's a sobering moment that leaves me feeling like shit to see her this way.

"I said it's nothing." I stand firm on the topic.

"Edward," she groans and tries to pull away. I'm drunk, but I'm not stupid. I don't let her get away… not this time.

"Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world?" I sort of sing… I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

"Those are Prince lyrics," she retorts - not amused.

"I like Prince."

"You're definitely drunk."

"Definitely not a sober admission," I slur horrendously and laugh.

"Is this what you do when I'm not here?" Shit, the hard questions. To lie, a little, a lot…Tell the cold hard truth…

"Usually, what else is there to do?" I taunt and realize how stupid I sound. I really shouldn't do much talking when I drink.

"There's a blonde in the living room," she doesn't miss a thing.

"I don't really care for blondes," I argue.

"So you've said..."

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**{BELLA-POV}**

Edward passes out. He's a single twenty something… I don't even know how old he is! I realize maybe Edward isn't what I've conjured him up to be. I've spent days sorting out the ugly pieces of my life only to find that he too may be one of them.

I don't bother to tuck him in or say good bye, I leave. The weird blonde curly haired guy, the one that was watching that couple having sex follows me out with a horrible barking cough. I flee quickly down the steps from Edward's apartment, trying to out-race the vomit waterfall I imagine is about to explode at my back.

It sickens me to think that Edward was probably watching too. Blonde curly haired guy is nowhere to be seen by the time I drive away.

I put my key in the door, but the fucker won't open…"Alice… he bought another whore," I cry out the second she lets me in. I'm rapidly fighting to take off my coat and shoes, but they're being uncooperative. "Everything is giving me a big old fuck you tonight!" I stumble into her arms and spot curly haired boy sitting in our living room.

"What are you doing here? What is he doing here?" I quickly blame shift.

"Do I know you?" He appears truly confused, damn he's good. "You were just over at Edward's place," I huff.

"I was…"

Alice drags me to her bedroom before I can throttle him until he gives me a play by second play of everything that went on over there tonight.

"That's Jasper. I told you I was meeting him after work again." Oh… I sort of nod and shake my head. Our expressions don't match at all. Alice is all smiles, excited even. The guy she's been seeing… I suck in my bottom lip and try to access the situation. Mistaken identity, maybe? Though I haven't seen too many blonde curly haired guys lately. I could almost swear it's him, but there's that tiny window of doubt. It's probably him… _Gah!_

"Are you going to be okay, can this wait until later?" No, everything is wrong! I still think this curly haired… Jasper, or whatever his name is - is a goddamn pervert. I'd feel awful if I ruined this for her and they weren't the same. I didn't really get a good look at him head on, but the image has been burned into my memory. Including the weird birthmark on the blonde whores breast.

"Go, have fun…" I insist, yet sulk behind Alice as we approach the living room. I feel like maybe I should apologize or excuse my crazy rant… It's a good thing they're in a hurry to leave.

"Nice meeting you," he lies through his teeth. The awkward expression on his face says it all… He probably thinks I'm a crack-head, Alice too. Honestly, I'm shocked she thought to meet him here...

"Don't worry, I won't do anything you wouldn't do." She grabs her purse with a wink. I shake my head… Ah well, at least one of us is getting some action… perverted curly haired boy named Jasper. _Jasper? _

It's already late, I don't expect to see her home tonight.

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By morning I realize that while sure I made him laugh, feel wanted, and sometimes I can be really fucking cute - almost bordering on sexy... I didn't fulfill all of his desires, just his basic needs as a man. I simply don't measure up. I was his paid whore - nothing more, nothing less…

Reality; it stings, so fucking bad… I thought I saw something in him, us, potential - maybe… I became so invested in my fake life with Edward I threw all caution to the wind. So foolish… It was a crazy notion to ever think this could become more than just burning the midnight oil.

_You're an asshole. _- Still, it feels good to let it out. My phone vibrates along the table top when surprisingly he texts back.

_Who is this? _- Grr… And then my phone rings, it's him.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize this number," he apologizes profusely and his voice pains that soft spot inside my chest.

"Next you're going to tell me you don't remember much of last night," my amusement level is bare in my strained laugh.

"I remember you… but thought it was another dream. I can't stop thinking about you, come over."

"Edward, I can't do this anymore."

"Neither can I, move in with me?" He asks without hesitation.

"What?" _Am I dreaming?_

"Move in with me," he repeats himself slowly since it appears I'm having issues with comprehension… or maybe he's still drunk.

"Edward," I cry. I didn't even get to the part where I tell him to fuck off. I had this conversation all planned out in my head, if he replied… Truthfully, I never expected a reply. I didn't expect this…

"I can't live without you... I'll give you a raise, whatever's necessary."

"I can't keep taking your money."

"I don't care about the money. You can have it, all of it."

"I need to find a respectable job," I remain adamant.

"Then have my babies!" _WTF?_

"Edward, you've been drinking," I accuse. _That makes sense…_

"A little… okay, a lot. But I neeeeeeed to see you again," he emphasizes. "Please, come over…"

"Call me when you're sober," I end the call.

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Hours pass… And it begins to feel like I'll probably never hear from him again.

It's almost noon and no word from Alice, nor does she answer my calls. I have more important things to worry about…_ I tell myself, but it hardly helps._

Now, I ponder calling Edward back just to see if he knows this Jasper guy so I can get his number… or at the very least he can tell me to fuck off instead of messing with my head.

I'm about to dial Edward when there's a rapping at my door so hard, it shakes the hollow walls beside it. Seriously, I'm about to piss myself…

"Bella! Bella!" _Edward?_

"Edward…" I can barely breathe, my voice is but a strained hoarse whisper. _Is it? How would he know where to find me?_

When I hear a key or something similar slip into the lock, I consider hiding - but where? Duck at the far end of couch? Stuff myself in a closet? This apartment is so bare, there's nowhere to hide… Take my chances and jump from the third story window… I've never been so afraid to be alone.

"I can't get the door open if you don't move, move!" I hear Alice bickering behind the door and the vision of me plummeting to my death subsides. I move to open the door for her, but pause on my path when it comes swinging forward.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Alice is all smiles and bubbly on her feet. "Meow…" She teases, patting me on the shoulder - oblivious to my near brush with death. She then slips out with creepy blonde haired guy and leaves me alone with _him_….

Don't get me wrong, it's great that we have our own space and Jake doesn't occupy an inch of it… We've got a tan velour couch with a swamp weed and duck pattern, a nineteen inch black and white television stacked on a cardboard box full of Alice's books - we get two channels, one of them is in Spanish, and black lines constantly roll up the picture. We actually prefer the Spanish channel, even though combined we only fluent about thirty words of the language. We sleep on air mattresses with sheets so thin we wake up with our beds stuck to our asses, yet every morning we laugh. Freedom feels good… But I'm not entirely blind to what guests would assume.

The expression on his face is… I don't even know. I'm sure with the money he was giving me, he expected more. I expected more of myself. I suppose the average person doesn't really live like I do; my life has been far from perfect for a very long time. I don't know what he really thinks of me now…

_Where do we go from here?_

"Say something," I plead.

"God you're beautiful," he breathes like he's been holding his breath since the very second he entered and laid eyes on me.

"This morning we found this awesome yard sale on the way over to Edward's," Alice explains. Buried in various store bags she returns with Jasper who can't see past the two big boxes he's carrying.

"That's nice," I guess… I don't know. I wanted our two worlds to collide and now I'm terrified.

"Why did you bring him here?" It comes out sounding exactly the way it does in my head. Embarrassing, I don't want Edward to know me - not this me. With Edward I'd reinvented myself a hundred times over and none of them were as ugly as this.

"I couldn't convince Jasper to leave his friend to sober alone," she laughs but I don't find it the least bit amusing.

"So you bring him here?" I ask, bewildered.

"I know you said… but I couldn't wait any longer." _To sober up _or so Edward tells me. I already knew, I can smell it… He should have been sober by now, the fact he continued to drink after talking to me earlier annoys me.

"Bella, I listened to a drunk fool cry for over two hours before I realized he was talking about you, talk to him." She rests her bags gently beside the door and directs Jasper where to leave the boxes.

Silence fills the room, Alice moves to unpack her purchases and Jasper proves to be quite the little helper.

"I'm sorry, I'm an alcoholic… I've been drinking for so long I'm considered highly functioning. I am seeking help if that makes you feel any better," he confesses in an apologetic tone. The pair moving about the room makes this even more awkward, however I've already made up my mind - he will not see my bed. _He's seen enough already… _

"This week I uprooted myself from a bad situation gone worse, spent a night in a woman's shelter, and moved… When I finished walking through hell, you were the first person I wanted to see…" _Instead, I got three perverts and a blonde whore._

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**~End Chapter 4 - Drunk**

Thanks for dropping by!

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	5. Chapter 5 Deal

**The Hideaway…**

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**~Chapter 5 - Deal**

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I walk alone and I  
I ride alone and I  
I rock myself to sleep  
Baby, there ain't enough room in this world  
For people like you  
And horrors like me

A time of darkness  
There lived a girl in a cave in the woods  
Disguised as a bee  
At night she would fly into the city  
Sting the cause  
And sting the cost  
And she would hover over me  
Whispering  
And so we sing  
We're surfacing  
We're surfacing

I stand alone and I  
I fight alone and I  
Stay clean by feeling cheap  
And baby, there ain't enough room in this world  
For perfection's like you  
And monsters like me

A time of darkness  
You will look absurd and you will feel inert  
And you will go looking to blame somebody  
You see I used to think that I'd get over everything  
But everything just got  
over me

I'm some of it  
You're some of it  
We're some of it  
I'm certain of it

I walk alone and I  
I ride alone and you know  
That's all right by me  
See baby cause  
here ain't enough room in this world  
For a great, great many things  
(Matthew Good Band - The fine art of falling apart)

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**{BELLA-POV}**

I don't know what to say… Every time Alice crosses my line of vision she's making obnoxious faces. I know she thinks Edward is this great guy, I mean - that's what I built him up to be… Now I'm not so sure and I wish she'd back the fuck off.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home…" I grab my purse and keys, Edward quietly follows behind me. We get in the car and the ride is pretty quiet and uneventful. My stomach churns, knowing he now knows where I live…

"I don't want you just coming over like that, ever…" I shake my head softly as I turn the corner.

"Bella," Edward speaks with his head low… It makes me incredibly nervous.

"Are you going to be sick? Do I need to pull over?" When his eyes meet mine, I must look horrified.

"No…" He speaks quietly and shifts his head to intensely stare out the window…

"I'm sorry Edward, I just… Fuck! Nothing, I'll shut up." I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I don't know the man sitting in my passenger seat. I know his body, the softness of his hands as they dance across my skin, the tone of his voice… But I don't know who he is - I don't know him, he's so foreign to me…

"Will you come inside?" He asks as I pull into the drive along the side of his building. I drive around to the back and park the car near the door.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," I muster in an unsteady breath. Leave, leave now - while you still have the resolve to run…

"Now, suddenly - it's not such a good idea?" There's a hint of anger mixed with disappointment in his trembling bitter tone.

"What do you want from me?" I find myself shaking my head softly as I twiddle my fingers in my lap. I can't bear to look at him - to see his disappointment. Truthfully, I'm disappointed too. _Reality can be such a bitch…_

"You said I was the first person you wanted to see…" he notes softly, nearly under his breath. If he's asking what changed - everything. _Why, I don't know… It just an arrangement…_

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I pull the keys from the ignition and we both slowly get out. Eyeballing one another, I don't think either of us have quite figured out who's the hunter or who's the prey; but it sure feels like that. We enter his building and move slowly but fluidly up the steps to his apartment, neither getting ahead of the other. Awkward, it feels incredibly awkward. I've never felt so awkward in his presence, not even when I propositioned him nor shed my clothing for the very first time…

He gestures for me to go in first, I immediately drop my bag and keys on his counter out of habit…

"Once upon a time, on a day that looked like any other day. Someone like no one else came along and made my life into something that would never be the same."

"That's actually really cute…" Try as I might, I can't help but smile a little. He's always been so sweet to me… This, right here - is why I shouldn't have come inside. My hard exterior is all a façade...

"That's why you'll always be the only one for me," the sincerity in his eyes scares me…

"Edward," I chastise. He hardly knows me…

"It is what it is… I know I don't know too much about you, but I know how you make me feel. You make me want to be a better person, if only for you." There's a distance between us that neither of us seem comfortable enough to close. We remain guarded at opposing ends of the counter, trying to make sense of our time spent together.

"Edward, you were there when I needed you most," I admit unapologetically. I'm not proud of the journey - but I wouldn't take it back, and I did reach my destination. I may be poor, but I'm free…

"I still need you," he confesses - appearing and sounding more sober than he has in days.

"You don't know me."

"I want to know you," he argues.

"You don't… Trust me." We continue to talk round and round in circles. Edward moves past me and plops down on the couch, he tries to coax me over with a pat on the leather cushion beside him…

"I'm sorry… I don't think I'll ever be able to sit on that couch again." Watching him sit on it sends shivers down my spine. It's going to take a hell of a lot of brain bleach to distort the images of the orgy-fest…

"Fuck!" His escalated tone puts me on edge; he throws himself off the couch angrily and stands up at warp speed. "I'm sorry, it's not you…" he runs his hands over his face… I pity the fact that he's all over the place, yet envious at how he can forget such disgusting details with an alcohol induced fog.

"Is that how you remember me? Bits and pieces; selective memory?" My tone rolls off my tongue so methodically; like the closing song in a tragic play.

"Bella…"

"Edward," I shake my head softly. It's over - it's really over.

"I saw a beautiful girl, too smart - too perfect to be messing around with the likes of me. My only advantage was that you approached me; and if not me - it would surely be some other lucky fool. I know what we have isn't conventional, but we do have something… Say we have something…" I know we have something and for the first time I'm afraid to actually pursue it.

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**{EDWARD POV}**

Fuck, I'm begging! Her lips quiver like the words are right on the edge of her tongue. False starts; I can see her thought process - leaning toward how to break it to me gently. A pause too long to mean anything good…

"I've had plenty of people use me for money, alcohol, drugs, the use of my apartment, and my talents. Even that only makes relationships tolerable for a period… I don't need you to sugar coat anything, I'm used to it. So… Thanks, it was fun while it lasted." My tone is angry and bitter, it's so hard not to be. The evil bastard comes out when things don't go my way, there's no reason to question why she'll be leaving - those statements alone should send her running far, far away. I think of all the women I've used, abused, and discarded - I'd like to believe Bella never fell into that category. _Never ever…_

With that I close myself off in my bedroom. I'm sure she can see herself out… I can't bear to watch her walk away - knowing it will be for good. My mind races with all the things I should or could have said, it's too late. Her mind was already made up before she offered to drive me home…

Twenty years from now and I'm still going to be thinking about her. Worried for her well being even if she doesn't give a shit about mine… _Her game, well played_… The karma bus has finally come full circle to run me over, only to back up and run me down a few more times.

Reaching for the bottle on the nightstand, I realize it's empty… "_Fuck!"_

"Edward," her small voice resonates through the tiny crack she's created within the door frame. I rise from the edge of the bed to pull the door open full swing… There's so many things I want to scream; to make her understand, to penetrate her in so many ways - just like she did me in. I have to believe she knows what she's doing and I was just a vessel to get her from point A to point B.

"Maybe we're more alike than we realize… I'm a mess, you're a mess - don't you get the feeling that to stay together would just be a disaster in the making? Everything within my being is telling me to walk away, but I can't…"

"I promise, I'll take care of you." Before she can speak I capture her face in my hands and steal the sweetest of kisses; each sweeter than the last. That is, until she steps back and brushes me off.

"Let's not go making any promises… One chance, just to say we tried," she offers.

"Bet you think I'm going to fuck it up?"

"I honestly don't know what to think, or where to start…"

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Kissing - touching - fucking; it's all we know.

"Tell me you only have eyes for me…" I whisper, winding her hair tightly around my fingers with purpose - to force her eyes to meet mine. Her eyes; spitfire brown and spattered with amber flecks… At least while we fuck. Depending on her mood they could shift to the darkest of brown, nearly black on a dreary day.

"Tell me you want me and only me," she groans above me. Strangely enough it feels like the first time, but there's that rising fear that it may be our last.

"Always you… I love you…" As soon as the words leave my mouth, they're greeted with a hardened bewildered stare. I regret those three words as soon as they fly off my tongue, but there's no taking them back… "You don't have to say anything…" I forcibly lock my mouth onto hers, tugging at her lips until she offers me the warmth of her tongue… She remains a little stiff and I can't help but wonder what's going through her head. I don't want this to end, but I can't continue knowing she's uncomfortable. With a few quick fluid movements, I roll us into the missionary position and halt all thrusting…

"Don't stop," she whines… I offer a few guilt laced thrusts. She's so tense, I find it much easier to exit than enter… And if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'm not going to last much longer under these conditions.

"I don't want you to do anything just to appease me. I can't continue if you don't relax…" I chuckle softly trying to keep the mood lighthearted; but I can't help but wonder if she just wants me to finish so this can all be over.

"I'm sorry," she breathes heavy… Exasperated, frustrated, annoyed - I can't tell which.

"Don't be sorry," I try to comfort her. "It's okay…" God did give me two hands and ten fingers…

"This guy, I love him… I can't imagine a day without him kissing, touching, and goosing me…" she smiles. I have been known to goose and grope, it's beyond my control.

"And you love it," I grin…

"I'm just afraid of what happens after," she admits. "You know…what happens outside of the bedroom…" Her tone takes a serious turn, which I'm not quite ready to face.

"I'll continue to goose and grope, I have very little control over my impulses," I assure her with a hearty laugh.

"You know what I mean?" She playfully bites at my lower lip.

"I do…" We get back to kissing and touching and fucking…

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**{BELLA POV}**

Apparently it takes one good fuck to clear my mind of the possibility of body fluids resonating within his couch, because I had completely forgotten… and now that I'm half naked and already curled up in his arms under a throw blanket - I'm trying not to focus on it.

Edward keeps flipping through the channels, asking my opinion on what I'd like to watch. We don't have cable so I'm unfamiliar with most of the programming. He offers to take me out, but I don't have anywhere in mind. I feel like perhaps I'm being too difficult even though I'm trying to be anything but.

"I don't want you to go," he admits. "I don't care what we do, but you can't leave…" he gives me a firm squeeze.

"Eventually, I'm going to have to…" I remind him in a playful tone.

"I don't want to push, but when I offered for you to move in - I meant it."

"I don't know if it's such a good idea. Besides, Alice can't afford the apartment on her own and I needed to find a new job yesterday…" I don't know if this is going to work out… I can't leave Alice after I was the one to drag her out from the shelter. It's so surreal to have Edward offering everything I wanted and more, but now I can't accept it.

"Job - schmob, I want to continue to take care of you Bella. I'll clean out the spare bedroom and Alice can move in too. I'm serious…" I know he is…

"What if this - us, doesn't work out?"

"There will be other apartments and by then you'll at least be in a better financial position to get a nicer one. That apartment is in a bad neighborhood… I have only your best interests in mind and mine too. Hell, if this doesn't work out I'd hope to at least remain on good terms; friends with benefits?" I playfully smack him and he likes it a little too much. He's almost the kind of the guy I'd imagined he'd be…

"See, that's why I need a woman around to rationalize things. I'm more of a do than don't kind of guy and it's been known to get me in trouble in the past…"

"Every mistake I made, I did so willingly… I knew even then it was wrong," I muster apologetically.

"Was I a mistake, then… I won't be mad. Help me understand. I know you're not that girl…"

"Oh, how do you know what type of girl I am?" I quip.

"I just know," he smiles - leaning in to place a soft kiss upon my temple.

"No… But by then I'd already hit rock bottom and I don't think anything I could have done would have been seen as a mistake. Though I sure made plenty to get to that point. You saved me, even if it was only for a few hours…" I nod softly.

"Did he make you… You know, do that often - go home with random men for money? I don't mean to offend… That sounds terrible," he laughs at himself - I appreciate it.

"No, you were the first…" While that answer seemed to appease him on some level, the conversation quickly faded…

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**{EDWARD POV}**

"Where is she?" Emmett bursts into my apartment and starts searching for a she…

"She, who?" I close the door and blankly follow him around, knowing my apartment is empty. At least he's not bitching about me ditching band practice, again…

"Bella, that chick… How come Jasper got to meet her first?" Realizing there's nobody else here, he moves to my fridge and starts looking for a beer… I'm not sure if there are any left, only because with Bella occupying my time, I didn't have a chance to get to the store…

"You're out of beer," he groans… Then settles for drinking orange juice straight out of the carton…

"Yeah…" I throw myself back onto the couch and kick my feet up on the coffee table, flipping through the stations…

"So about this Bella chick," he flops down beside me - still clutching my carton of orange juice…

"Nothing," I laugh softly… "I'm not talking about her like that, with you…"

"Come on dude, we always tell… You have a dick right? Right, so come on… Jasper says this shit is getting serious. You know how I feel about serious bro…"

"I asked her to move in," rolls off my tongue without a care in the world. I don't give a fuck what Emmett thinks… If he'd quick fucking around and playing games, he could have what I have. I'm not even quite sure what I have, but it's wonderful… Instead he's more interested in making Rose jealous than actually being with her.

"You what? Bad idea, bad, bad, bad mother-fucking idea…" With the way he bitches, you'd think we were dating…

"It's too late, already done." I grab my carton of orange juice from his hands and take a nice long gulp while he stares me down with a wild look on his face…

"Does she tell you what color panties to wear too? You're such a bitch…" he groans.

"You fuck this up for me and I swear to God Em - I'll quit the band… No, I'll fucking kill you…"

"You're so damn violent…"

"That bros before hoes shit doesn't exist anymore…She's the one…" That's that…

"Yeah, yeah - whatever bitch… Where the fuck is Jasper?"

"How the fuck should I know?" I shrug and jab my elbow into his ribs for sitting too fucking close… He sits like a fucking girl when he gossips, all up in your shit…

"Isn't he dating that Alexia, Athena… Whatever the fuck her name is…"

"Alice," I correct him.

"Whatever, is he still banging that bitch or what?"

"I guess…" I shrug

"Don't you know shit?"

"I know I'm STD free, how about you Em?"

"Fuck you!" He pushes my shoulder hard, using me for leverage to get his big ass off my couch…

"Dude, it was crabs… Nothing that a little hot butter and a fly swatter couldn't fix. So shut the fuck up about what you don't know." I can't stop laughing…

"Fuck off, I'm out…" It's about time…

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**{BELLA POV}**

"Everything with Edward always sounds too good to be true, but he always comes through…" I continue packing what little clothing I have, shoving it carelessly into a duffel bag.

"I guess we don't have much to lose… Except for the deposit," Alice groans…

"You can stay if you want, I'll still pay my share of the rent. I'm going to find a job… Alice, I really want you to come with me… Edward doesn't think it's safe here."

"I can tell you've just been fucked and once the glow wears off… - if this doesn't work out and I have to go back to the shelter, you're coming with me." Alice crosses her arms over her chest, dead serious… I've led her this far…

"Fine, deal…" I begrudgingly agree. We pinky swear on it and get back to packing…

Edward and Jasper show up with a truck. Edward is thrilled beyond compare - he can't get our shit out fast enough. Jasper seems a little taken back and he keeps commenting under his breath so only Edward can hear…

"What's his problem?" I corner Edward near the side of the truck… "Is he making fun of our shit? I know it's not the nicest, but…"

I'm defensive and ready to fight when Edward cuts me off… "He's pissed, because Alice is moving in with us and not him."

"She hardly knows him," I shake my head softly… Then sink my teeth into my bottom lip when I realize Edward and I are in the same boat…

"Yeah well, Emmett wouldn't go for that shit anyway…" He throws another box into the truck…

"Emmett?" I inquire.

"Jasper's roommate, the guy that was fucking on my couch … He's kind of a big oaf, short on brain cells - don't ever take anything he says too seriously… Nobody else does."

"Okay…" I nod…

We all cram into the truck and nobody complains, nobody says much of anything… Jasper still seems hurt, but anytime Alice smiles at him he pretends like everything is all good…

Edward's apartment is a mess, he threw everything from the spare room into a big heap in the corner of the living room, typical male… Alice insists most of the stuff we brought with us, we won't need until we get another apartment. Edward starts scratching his head, running his hand roughly through his hair. I can tell he's irritated to hear that - after tracking all of our shit upstairs…

"There's storage on the first floor, we'll have to go through the pile and see what will fit," Edward exhales deeply… I move in to wrap my arms around his waist. I appreciate everything he's done for us…

"Eww, have you seen his bathroom!" Alice shrieks from the hall… Edward doesn't know what to say, immediately I get the feeling he thinks he bit off more than he could chew…

"I'll clean it," I speak up hoping to resolve the second conflict of the day.

"No, I'll clean it… Just not right now," Edward announces. "Jasper, start grabbing shit…" They each grab a few of Edwards boxes and start moving toward the door. Edward grumbles and Jasper laughs, I'm well aware they're discussing Alice…

I pull her aside and tell her what little I know about Edward… It's going to take time to get adjusted, but we all have to compromise for this to work. I've seen the bathroom attached to Edward's room and it's the epitome of OCD clean. I can only assume the guest bath was overlooked… It's probably the bathroom his asshole friends use…

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We get as settled as we're going to get for the night… Just as I'd expected, Edward thinks I'm going to be bunking up with him. I apologize, but I refuse to leave Alice in a new strange apartment alone… I'm almost afraid this may be a deal breaker, but to my surprise he seems to understand.

"Take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch…" He insists.

"Why? We're all set up in the other room... It'll be fine."

"For camping… We'll get some mattresses tomorrow. No guest of mine is going to sleep on the floor."

"Unless they have a dick," Jasper chimes in and Edward starts laughing.

"Yeah, I'm the only dick allowed in my bed - chicks are fine…" Jasper extends an arm like he's going to punch Edward in the shoulder at that reply, but falls short.

"I'm going to get out of here…" Jasper announces.

Alice says goodbye to Jasper while I kiss Edward goodnight. He gooses me several times and I know exactly what he's up to… He's trying to convince me to stay on the couch with him. "Goodnight…" I peck him on the lips softly one last time.

I get in the bedroom and the bed has already been made, it usually is - but with everything going on, I'm surprised it was still a priority. Alice walks in and stands off to the side of the bed, looking disgusted - like she'd rather sleep on an air mattress than in a strangers bed…

"Seriously? Our couch came from Goodwill Alice…There's probably enough DNA on it to conduct multiple science experiments," I remind her. "It's no worse than a hotel bed, he washes his sheets…" After I climb in Alice follows.

"It's just; you and him and ugh… I don't want to think about it." I snicker softly at her reply…

"Goodnight Al, I love you…" I fluff my pillow before leaning over to brush the hair from her face…

"I love you too Bell," she scoots in so our knees touch under the sheets. We sleep with the light on, just the way Alice likes it… After a few minutes I pull the comforter over my head to shield myself in darkness…

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**~End Chapter 5 - Deal**

Thanks for dropping by!

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